Making a decision, then Letting Go. Good times come and go just as fast as they come. Making a decision to let it go no matter how painful it may be can be hard , but it is needed to live in the present .
Yesterday was just a take it all in day. From the excitement of my article getting published in a very well known site with a very high volume of readers, to receiving very bad news about my best friend. From feeling rejection from my daughter still. I just could not find a place to shut down my mind but in bits and pieces. When I finally got to go to sleep I felt like sleeping for days.
Life is a funny thing it never stops. The good, the bad, the surreal moments pass so fast its the remnants of what you see and feel are left behind.
When I drug myself out of bed this morning, not even wanting to open the blinds or the sliding glass door though it is bright and sunny out, I finally gave in. Why should I stop what I would normally do? Why would I want to?
Decisions are made just that quick!
I, tho feeling rough, hurt, numb, sad, scared, irritated, mixed with the normal aches and pains, I CHOSE to face another day. BRING IT ON !
I can't predict that Today will be the same. Now grant it, I feel like a mack truck hit me, and I still need coffee and a shower, I'm a little irritated with my neighbors and their consistent selfish ways, which when I know I won't be ugly, I will let them know, We both live in this building, and we need to coexist. A kind word, Ill try first then put it in the manager's hand. I know that I'm a little irritated and still tired. Its me, I'm the cranky one and have to choose a proper time to handle it.
Though I only made it to the Lake for a short time, yesterday & because they don't have bathrooms, I run home real quick. I thought Id make quick cup of coffee and prepare a panel to paint, before running back down the road to the quiet Lake. I could feel the uneasiness of the phone call settle in my spirit. I just didn't want to focus on it.
Dammit! I'm hurt and I'm scared and I want to think good thoughts not only about me but also about my friend. She has been through hell and back. I'm afraid she is ready to quit! And truthfully I wouldn't blame her! This woman is like my mother. She has had a major back operation rods put in and a disk replacement to correct scoliosis and deterioration. She was sent home early, less than a week later she is rushed back to hospital with three really bad bacterias & almost died from them. Then she is sent home again with now a pump for antibiotics to stay in her 24 seven, and right before she leaves the hospital she falls and hits the floor while getting off the potty chair and a nurse right there, 6ft tall and doesn't even try to catch her, and doesn't report it. no biggie right? Oh and this ain't her first rodeo! no she has had several operations and has fought hard to come back from each one. She is over 60, diabetic overweight, Her weight drastically goes up and down from injury to injury and surgery after surgery. Also old age deterioration and bad health and eating habits. I had helped care for her in the past .
I was trying hard to fight off all the negative thoughts I was thinking and feeling. It wasn't fair. I was happy, really proud of myself! I had accomplished another really important goal. I was achieving new goals. I just wanted to get through this day with a peaceful ending!!
I don't know why, but I felt myself seeking some kind of approval from my friends but esp my kids. See, their mom has been sick or in pain or going through something most of if not their whole lives. I wanted them to have something Good they could brag about, Yes! Have their moment of ego too! Well that didn't pan out like I wanted! At all !
So all in all, those moments of excitement were shot down by LIFE. Others jealousy or them just not caring. I don't know! but those feelings I felt is really all that matters even the getting the bad news on top of it all.
It was just another lesson.
The lesson was or goes like this: It is what it is. It was what it was. It all fades away. If you let it! Hold on to the Good. Cipher the bad. Do what you can! Write it all down and then Walk away! Leave it alone! Wait for the time when you're actually supposed to deal with it. Let go of the ugly feelings and thoughts you may of had about all of it! That's the choice I made. I refuse to hold something that isn't mine to hold!
Tomorrow's another day and it will have its own problems in it The Secret is, you have to make CHOICES and some are gonna be real hard! It doesn't mean you don't care, it simply means you care for yourself more. Though this comes easy for many and yea sometimes it sucks that others didn't care when you thought they would. Think of it as they too may have many things in life they are dealing with also. What is important is you have to let go of those Emotions, let go of those preconceived thoughts.
LET GO AND SEEK OUT TOMORROW, LIFE HAS MORE TO OFFER! EVERY DAY IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YESTERDAY, TOMORROW IS ACTUALLY A GIFT, YOU HAVE NO IDEA IF YOU WILL RECEIVE IT OR NOT..... AND GIFTS ARE TO BE RECEIVED WITH JOY, AND IF NOT YOU MAY NOT GET ANOTHER ONE !!!!