Stop Judging & Start Loving: "That Girl"

Abortion vs. Pregnant & Unwed-Both are Judged
Are we part of the problem?


I want to tell you about a girl. A girl, technically an adult, but naive in nature. Fun, happy-go-luck; in love. A girl who found herself madly in love and later found herself desperately, desperate. You see, this girl became pregnant. Thought it would end every dream and desire she ever imagined for herself. Thought this would bring judgement, condemnation and possibly disownment from her family. Which it may have, but who’s to say? And because of this, she decided abortion was the answer. Her boyfriend conceded, agreeing he loved her so much he would do what she wanted. So she called office, made the appointment and they waited for that day. They arrive at the clinic, she pays her $200 and she waits in the crowded waiting room. She waits with her head down, in shame and disgust, thinking she is nothing like these people. This was not her lifestyle. This was a one-time “accident” with a boy she loved so much. This was not birth control to her, like it had been, to even her friends, at one time. She was not low-income. She was not a street-walker or promiscuous. Somehow she tried to convince herself she was not like “them”. She was better than this; better than them.  

She quickly glanced at the TV, only to notice it was showing a rerun of a popular talk show. It’s a rerun, a rerun of a Mother’s Day special. How does she know? It’s August. Was this a sign? Was God telling her that it’s an honor and a gift to be a mother? Was He telling her “Stop, don’t do it?”

A nurse suddenly interrupts her train of thought and calls her name. She’s led to a bathroom and handed a gown to change into. She quickly changes, and is beyond nervous. Her boyfriend waits in the car. She’s then directed, by the nurse, to a large room, where she’s instructed to lie down on the gurney-like medical table. Shame and condemnation begin to set in. The nurses and doctor are not friendly, no time to be cordial, after all,  it’s just a “procedure.” And honestly, who are you going tell-your mom?! Here, being nice, isn’t required.

She glances around quickly, only to notice the large rectangular room is lined with other “gurneys”, with other girls, waiting too. She begins to feel like livestock being led to the slaughter. Overwhelmingly, she wants out, wants this to stop, realizes this is not what she bargained for. The doctor and nurse then approach her. The doctor is masked and dressed in doctor’s “garb” and seated on a wheelie chair. He rolls over to her, while the nurse briefly and quickly explains the upcoming events. A loud suction sound is heard and the “procedure” is now underway.

 She continues to tell herself, it will be over soon.  She tells herself this will never, ever happen again. She vows to herself, she will never be careless or lackadaisical where contraception is concerned again. The doctor then finishes and rolls on to the neighboring girl. She lays there, looking at the ceiling, filled with remorse, tears streaming, wondering what she had done.

 After a brief while, she changes her clothes and gathers her belongings and meets her boyfriend at the door. Only she notices, there are people outside. It’s a chain of people lined up across the sidewalk. As she and her boyfriend push the press bar on the door to exit, she now understands the commotion. It’s a protest. It's a slew of religious "Pro-Life" protesters. As she picks up the pace to walk briskly through, she takes a deep breath, puts her head down, ensuring direct eye contact is not made. Then one man stops her; attempting to hand her some sort of pamphlets. Angry. Guilty. Ashamed and condemned even more, she rips them from his grasp, and doesn’t miss a beat in her brisk walk to the car. The car seemed miles away. The car meant safety. It meant this whole ordeal would be over. If she could only get there. She finally does. Gets into the car, locks the door and they speed away. And as they speed away, before they are just out of sight from the picketers, she rolls down her window and releases a loud yell of torment from the depths of her soul. She throws her pamphlets as hard and as high as she can. She glances back quickly, only to see them fall and swirl behind the car, like leaves on an autumn day. All she knows is, she can't wait to get home. She can't wait to forget all about this day, even though, sadly she knows, deep within heart, she never will.  

Here’s what I want you to know:

·       Don’t picket abortion clinics. Even though you may think or believe this is an opportunity to make a change in society, and even though your intentions may be well, it only creates a greater, deeper, more painful divide. Pamphlets after the fact, are simply put; rude. Find a more personal, non-judgmental, loving way to help others. 

·       The next pregnant, unwed girl you see, don’t you dare judge her! Thank her and LOVE her. Thank her for not making the decision like “that girl”! Thank her for having the baby. Tell her that motherhood is a beautiful gift from above. Tell her that though times may be hard, she will get through! Support her in every way you are able. 

·       Furthermore, "that girl", whom you know, who has had an abortion-don’t you dare judge her either! LOVE her. LOVE on her! You don’t know her pain and you don’t know her circumstance. Her head and heart may be filled with more guilt and pain, than you can fathom. She, honestly, may be haunted with the event, choice, and reality of it all. Or maybe, that isn’t the case, maybe she is confident in her decision; past, present and future. I may be wrong but I can’t help but think, even those most confident in their decision, will one day reflect on it with regret, especially when they have their first child, as that may be the day she feels the enormity of her decision; when she holds her newborn for the first time. Let's stop judging "that girl."

·       And lastly, if you’re “that girl”, who opted for the abortion, who wears shame and condemnation, know that God/The Divine has forgiveness and love waiting for you. Know that even though you can’t forgive yourself, there is a higher power that can. Know that you can be free from the shame, guilt and pain of the past and there is hope; there is always hope.  

The lesson here is not to judge EITHER side. Don't picket. Don't protest. Don't condemn. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE and LOVE some more, knowing it will make all the difference. 

I know because...I was “that girl”. This was my story.