Life what a roller coaster ride of ups and down down downs.
When depression befell on me i didn't see it coming,
I had two young children a single parent and here i was deep in depression
The only way to describe it was like i had my very own personal dark cloud that loomed over my head everywhere i went, compressing down on me, the happiness in me had been removed, everything felt hopeless , i had been taken over by a dark cloud of despair and pain.
I had two young children a single parent and here i was deep in depression, a fog that had descended to swallow up all my zest for life, i had been low before but this was way beyond low, this felt dark and lonely and all consuming this took every bit of me and left a shell of a person in its wake.
I didn't dress, i didn't clean i sat unmotivated and lifeless, the feelings of anxiety and thoughts of death, came automatically to my mind.
I didn't think i would ever feel normal again.
I couldn't leave the house, i didn't want to be alone, i was scared to be by myself.
I made people stay over, even making friends sleep on the couch so i knew i wasn't alone, they were my crutch i needed them to function i relied on others to be my support.
One day after the pots had piled so high and the house was unkempt, and i was sat festering on the sofa as usual, i received the biggest dressing down of my life.
I was told look at you ! Look at the state of you
Get your act together, get yourself cleaned up then sort out your house, your children need you, without you they have nothing snap out of it !
It was a slap in the face, i cried buckets, those cruel words hurt, they hurt because they were true, they hit home right in the gut ! They were enough for me to fight back, for me to get up and to start rebuilding me ! Where had i been why was i so lost? It wasn't an instant cure but a long road back to me.
It took honesty and not pity to bring me out of myself it took someone to get inside me to say this is not okay, to bring me back to life.
To make me take ownership and jolt me into action to rid me of self pity and to get back on my feet.
The cloud began to lift and i began to piece myself back together, in my life i have been down many times but i never want to go down to the depths of depression again i never want to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and to drag my feet through the sinking mud of despair again.
If i never have someone again to say this is not okay i will say it to myself i will remind myself that i am needed in this world and that the world needs me. And i will say it to anyone that needs to hear it.