Should you focus on making the right decision, or avoiding the wrong one?

A look at our decision-making process. How decisions relate to creating a forward momentum in our lives. How we are ever evolving and changing. How we can empower ourselves to keep moving and owning our lives.

Should you focus on making the right decision, or avoiding the wrong one? 

Neither, just make a decision! Keep in mind that any forward momentum involves making decisions. Avoiding making decisions, on the other hand, will keep you in exactly the same place as you are now, or worse.  If you don’t stand up and own your life, if you don’t stand up and claim your decision points, someone else will! Someone will be more than happy to decide for you, in their favor, not yours. Is that what you really want?

I know many of us are plagued with wanting to get it right. We want to be the best we can be. We worry about failing; about making the wrong decisions. At times this worry consumes us. At times it cripples us. As Iyanla Vanzant put it so eloquently: “Fear of failure, leads to failure”.

The single most important thing you can do is make a decision. Then after that, make more decisions! Keep going. Don’t worry too much if it’s perfect, the exact right thing, or if it’s going to work out. If you want to have positive forward momentum in your life, if you want things to happen in your life, you will have to decide many things, many times. It’s inevitable and it’s necessary!

Remember, just as you are ever evolving so is everything and everyone around you. There is really no way to know how things will turn out, or to foresee the future. Even if you made an amazing decision for yourself  today, that may not be amazing for you in a month, a year or years from now. You won’t be the same, nor will anything or anyone around you.

A really important thing to remember is that it’s ok to change your mind. My grandmother always said: “Never is as dangerous a word as always”. It’s something I have always kept in mind. How many times have I been in an exasperated state, declaring I would never again have any dealings with someone, or do something again, only years later to find myself doing the exact opposite! Does it make me a flake? No! Not at all! Just like I have and am changing so are others. I can’t throw other people’s past in their faces. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to do it to me either! People are who they are today, not who they were yesterday. In retrospect, what I should have said is: I will never again have dealings with you, as I am now, as you are now. I will never again to this, as I am now, as this is now. 

Realizing and truly accepting that we are constantly evolving, that everything and everyone around us is also constantly evolving helps us to understand things. We have no way of predicting the future. What is right/wrong for us now, may not be right/wrong for us tomorrow because we and everything is constantly changing. We are free to make decisions with the knowledge that there is no exact correctness by which we CAN make a decision. It’s ok if the decision doesn’t work out, in fact, that WILL happen. It’s also ok to change our mind. There is no shame in changing our mind. What was right for us yesterday may just not work for us anymore.  

I know there have been times where I decided what once worked for me, was no longer going to work for me. I felt myself filled with incredible shame. I felt like I had to hide the truth and keep it a secret. What would people think? What would they say? 

Let me put that into perspective. Are other people living your life, or are you living your life? Don’t you have a say? Shouldn’t you have a say in your own life? Does anyone else really have the right to pass judgment? Have you ever met anyone perfect? I know I haven’t! Everyone’s poop stinks. You have to worry about you, they can worry about themselves. You’re the only one living your life. There is absolutely no shame in making a mistake, in things not working out or in changing your mind. There is however, shame in avoiding decisions, sitting on the fence or worse letting other people make decisions for you. You have one life to live. Make it the best it can be. Own your life and your decisions. I would much rather make some wrong decisions than none at all. It’s part of living and being alive. I want to keep moving, keep evolving, transform into a better and better version of myself. That translates into me, realizing my decision points and making those decisions.  I have reached the point where I expect to change my mind. I embrace the fact that I am changing. I acknowledge and honor that I have no idea what the future holds.

The next time you have problems making a decision. Find some stillness, some quiet, take some rest and then make a decision. Let’s the chips fall where they may. You’re evolving and so is everything and everyone else. Maybe it will work out, or maybe it won’t. Don’t attach to the outcome, just attach to the present moment. Attach to being and feeling alive. Seize the day and make the most of it. Embrace decision making with gratitude that you actually have a choice and a decision to make. Own your life!