Why Is This Happening To Me? The Victim Mentality.

I know that sometimes we look at our life and realize that we are in total chaos. I'm here to help you understand why and what you can do about it.

Why Is This Happening To Me?

This was always a question that I asked myself many times when I was younger; so much that I would contemplate all these questions inside my head. Is it that the universe hates me? Did I do something so wrong to deserve this? Am I unlovable?Maybe I need to change. Could I be making the wrong decisions? I thought I had great morals but, maybe I am wrong! I’m sure that these questions have been asked by you, yourself, while going through the turbulences of life. It is so easy to go into that victim mentality and that’s really all it is. Well friends, I am hereto help restore your trust in faith because sometimes, it is all we have!

Let me put it into perspective for you. My mother’s bloodline has had some really nasty behaviors, habits and genetics, many of which I do not want to take part of. Violence, addiction, depression, suicide,hatred, racism, drama, mental illness, betrayal, cancer, and disowning to name some of the major ones. Why would I want that in my life or in my children’s? Why would anyone want that in their family? The universe knew what it was doing when it brought my soul to an earthly body. I’m going to tell you this story so you can truly understand why these hard “seasons” have reasons in our life. 

One night, when I was a very young child, I woke up to my parents yelling at each other. I was only eight years old and I have never heard my parents fight quite like this. Their voices were so scary to me that I had thought maybe my brothers and I had done something wrong. I ran into my brother’s room across the hallway because I was so unsure and scared. Luckily, he was awake too because I had the need to be held. We continued to hold each other while listening. We were so curious about why they were mad, that we decided togo down the stairs to see what was going on. We crept down to the end where the wall and bannister had met, just far enough to take a peek. To our surprise, we saw our mother pointing a gun to our father’s head. Our father said, “Go ahead, shoot me.” My brother and I were so scared that we ran back upstairs deciding it was best to stay out of the way because now it became real serious. We continued to hold each other since that’s all we could do and hope for the best. I really just wanted to crawl out of my skin and fly away, runaway,whatever I could to get out of there but my life seemed like it depended on me to stay put. My mother did not shoot my father but I do remember hearing our kitchen drawers open and shut viciously. The last one had shut and not a minute later, everything became quiet. A minute later (which seemed like a life time), I heard my father say,“Shit! Now look what you did!” We heard some rustling for a bit and then some doors shut which led to absolute silence. My brother and I were so scared of the aftermath that we did not dare to go downstairs, instead we slept in his room and made sure each of us were ok. The next day, I woke up and went straight downstairs to use the restroom. In the sink was a folded towel soaking in water. The curiosity of a child had me poking the towel to see why it was sitting in there, even though I had a pretty good idea what it was. Blood started to seep through the water like it would if you got cut in a pool or in the ocean by some coral. I went to talk to my parents and saw that my dad had a cast on his thumb.

Now, you are probably wondering what would cause a fight this extreme; it was betrayal and dishonesty. My father ended up almost losing his thumb completely because of these behaviors that have been passed down her bloodline. This also caused the abandonment I had experienced not very long after that day. I don’t tell you this for pity or attention but you needed to understand the torment, suspense, horror that I went through to understand the moral of the story. Since my mother had done this to the most compassionate, loving and affectionate person that I ever had in my life and then left her entire family, I vowed that I will never be like my mother. This turned the wheels in the bloodline because I wanted and decided that this stops with me. I did not want it to continue with my children, nephews, nieces or grandchildren.

If the universe did not put that situation into my life as strongly as it did, I would have been too stubborn to see the truth. I would have not realized what was at stake for anyone else in my family. Now, I am not stating that I am perfect because the universe knows how much I have grown and still yet to grow. This is one of the many stories in my life that helped me build strength,compassion, love, loyalty, honesty and willingness to become who I am today. The best part is, every night I lay my head to rest, I know that I am making a difference for the better of mankind by learning from other people’s mistakes and the obstacles that have been put in front of me. You can too, you just have to choose to want to make a difference.

So remember, the things that we go through that may be trying difficult and seem damaging at the time, it always has a purpose and that purpose never is done to make you feel unloved. It is to learn and grow.

— Charity Faith