Overcome An Anxious Mind
We are not born with anxiety and panic we become so.
All about me.
17 years of age, just starting out in life, so many dreams and aspirations, I was incredibly naive, having lived a sheltered life, my parents where jehovah's witnesses, and I was kept away from most things, unable to socialise with other children my age, and join in on celebrations, I only knew what I had been taught in this small religious community, I was always aware of my mortality from a very young age, as we read from the Bible a lot I guess death was brought to my attention more than most, my parents left the religion when I turned eleven years old, I celebrated my very first Christmas and birthday that year, it was a whole new world, one that I liked very much, life became somewhat normal after that and I met my first real boyfriend at the age of 16 he was five years my senior, worldly wise and incredibly controlling and manipulative as I was to find out.
I fell pregnant to him and had my first daughter just after my seventeenth birthday. On a very rare occasion he was taking me out for the night and coaxed me into taking a mind altering drug called acid, being so vulnerable and unaware of what this was and also being very trusting, I agreed !!
That decision became the biggest mistake of my life, my one true regret, because that evening my life changed forever.
My partner decided to tell me that the drug I had taken would more than likely kill me, that I was probably going to die anytime soon, this triggered a massive panic attack something that I had never experienced before in my life, instantly I couldn't breathe a surge of absolute fear pulsed through my body, my heart beat so fast I thought it would burst, I instantly ran for the door, I had to go to my parents and tell them goodbye as I thought I was about to drop dead, my partner got me back in the house eventually and calmed me down, but that evening panic would flow through me all night i honestly didn't think I would see the break of day.
This is how I began living a life with anxiety and panic attacks, I went to the doctors as I didn't know at the time that I was suffering panic attacks, and as I relayed my symptoms to a doctor, breathlessness, fast heartbeat, pins and needles I got diagnosed with asthma and was given an inhaler which of course didn't work.
The panic attacks didn't subside they became extreme, I couldn't eat as I felt physically sick, I lost weight dropping to seven and half stone, I didn't leave the house and if I did venture out it wasn't long before I would be running to get home to my safe haven, to stop the panic.
I had no confidence, I lost all zest for life I became a prisoner of anxiety, fear coursed through my body whenever it decided, it took hold of my mind, it controlled my life.
I was eventually diagnosed with anxiety and
panic attacks, and offered medication, which I tried once, they spaced me out too much that I couldn't possibly look after a child whilst taking them, I had a community psychiatric nurse visit me but I soon came to realise no one could give me the cure.
I wish in this paragraph I could write how I discovered the cure that I stumbled across the magic potion and I became NORMAL again but unfortunately for me that wasn't to be. Many, many, many years have gone by where I have just lived with the debilitating symptoms of anxiety I've had good days and not so good days, I missed out on so much, as I declined invitations to holidays and adventures, never feeling brave enough to step out of my comfort zone, you see in my mind I'm weak I'm different, I don't have Courage to do what everyone else can, I will never have what others have.
I haven't found out how to rid myself from panic, I have Googled my symptoms and read a lot of self help books, my anxiety subsided when my biggest fear Happened and my mum died, it's actually mind boggling that anxiety and panic didn't kill me off in that moment, but strangely my thoughts were like what's the worst thing that can happen now ? Because as far as I was concerned it already had, I do remember having fear for other loved ones safety.
I did get scared when I couldn't contact them.
My journey of healing began when I went into the virtual world to block out the pain of grief, I stumbled across a law of attraction group, it had me intrigued, I wanted to know more, your thoughts create your life, what you think about You bring about, like attracts like, I delved deeper and watched the secret by Rhonda Byrne I then bought the book, I was fascinated have i created this life by my thoughts? I needed to know more I was hungry for knowledge, I got more and more books The science of getting rich by Wallace Wattles, simple reminders by Bryant McGill, the list is endless, they all speak of the same things you create your life with your thoughts, I have asked many times for the anxiety and panic to go away, and here in front of me is the answer, stop attracting the fear, don't think about it, focus on the good in your life, be grateful for all you have now, the law says all these things will be given back to you, I have gone abroad flying in the sky on an aeroplane never in my wildest dreams would i have ever done that i have learnt to drive, I have been made a manager in high-grade shop within the company I work for, I have total abundance in my life and I cannot say that fear has totally gone I do have my off days, but I can control it, I switch it off before it escalates and I'm putting out to the universe right now that I am panic free I am Courageous, Strong, independent and capable I am equal and I can think for myself as I control My thoughts now.
Do not underestimate the power of knowing yourself and loving yourself beautiful things can happen if you think beautiful thoughts about yourself, let go read those books find the mentors, surround yourself with positivity.