Insecurities?

Here's a brief note on Insecurity and how you can start to deal with it...


Insecure? your in good company...

Feeling insecure is something that many people go through it is, however, something that most people can overcome, all it takes is a dedicated process of looking at oneself and itemizing the wonderful things you are able to accomplish. For some people, this is rather easy but for others it takes a little more time and dedication and that’s okay, just remember to always try your best to find the beauty in yourself because each and every person is valuable. 

 You might think that this is sort of an obvious statement which would be surprised at how many people are very insecure about their abilities, their looks, or their intelligence; the focus of this writing is to help people realize that in their individuality the beauty of their uniqueness is exactly what someone else might need.  When we take into account the number of people that occupy just one city block the odds of you being exactly what someone else needs a very good, now multiply that by the amount of people in an entire country, then a continent and your numbers get greater. Although sometimes we never find the exact person that we have helped just knowing that something you’ve done that is nice for someone else definitely does have a ripple effect like a pebble in a pond.

When you’ve gone through a rough life and perhaps in rough upbringing it can be very difficult to find the gem that is inside of you; on the very opposite end of that spectrum if you are born into a wonderful family and have every creature comfort possible.  It can also be just as difficult to find the gem inside of you since finding that gem takes a great deal of introspection and self-study. But take heart, we are going to take a look at a couple of ways to help make this a little easier.

First what you can do is to look at the fact that you’re even contemplating why it is that you’re insecure, that in and of itself is a great sign of strength and security taking responsibility and taking charge of your life, and your decisions is something that many people decide not to do, you, on the other hand, are not happy with the status quo and are making an effort to change that. So take a deep breath and know that you’re well on your way.

Secondly, you can begin to look at what behavior others have demonstrated towards you that helped harbor that insecurity. Many times people react towards us and behave in a way that is unacceptable to us and yet we say nothing and we allow that to pass this is more common in people who have low self-esteem and some insecurities but it isn’t  the rule, thank goodness. Anytime anyone treats you in a manner that is not comfortable for you, you do have the right to speak out in your defense. Now when you’re coming from a place of insecurity you might think that if you do speak out it may have no consequence but the answer to that would be the very fact that you did say something is the consequence you no longer accepted what was being done to you as the norm and you have broken that first barrier into being self-sufficient and secure. Many people don’t feel that others will respect their boundaries and so they don’t say anything and allow treatment that they would never do to themselves let alone another person. 

Thirdly, if you’re reading this that also shows a sign of self-strength simply because you want to change the way your life is going and that is something that a person only of a high amount of security in their personal life can do. People who are weak timid and don’t want a better life never look into how to change it you are here reading this looking for that change and I’m here to tell you it’s already begun. Finding the key to your strength can take a little time because it involves having to accept your shortcomings and typically people don’t like accepting the fact that they are the reason for a lot of their own problems. These problems can stem from what we talked about earlier allowing others to treat you the way they choose to without respecting your boundaries and doing that slowly chips away at your ability to defend yourself and your ability to have any amount of self-respect. If you don’t take charge of your life for most of your life and you allow it to go in the direction that others tell you that it should be going you will often find yourself in a place of misery and not feeling happy about the choices, you have made but now you are making a sincere effort at changing the direction and path that you are going to embark on to change your life.

Speaking from my personal point of view I grew up in a home where there was absolutely no support for any decisions that I was going to make in my life I had no one to speak to no one to guide me and so it led to me making a lot of poor life choices that caused me to have a lot of negativity which I then inflicted upon others not realizing the damage that I was doing it wasn’t until I began to look at myself and my behavior that is I was able to see the chain reaction and ripple effect that we spoke of earlier. This led me to feel really bad about myself and made me insecure and decisions that I made on a daily basis because I no longer trusted myself to care for myself in a way that was going to benefit me.

I imagine that many of you who are reading this suffered the same kind of incident in some way shape form or fashion, and even if you grew up in a household that was very supportive, society itself can cause this if you are the type of person who has placed a lot of importance on the ideas of other people because society is so hell bent on clique’s societal hierarchies that their lack of support for you and/or their criticism of you can also chip away at the fabric of your security. So as you see this problem of low self-esteem and personal insecurities is not something that just you alone are suffering from you’re in good company.

You do not have to stay where you are, there is light at the end of the tunnel (and no it’s not a freight train heading towards you) there is a way to steer out of this quagmire of insecurity, it will just take a lot of introspection looking at how you deal with problems and asking yourself why is it that this has affected me in the way that it has and really looking deep at the hidden causes that may not seem so obvious. Let me give you an example recently I was able to see pictures of a group of people from an online group that I am a member of. These photos were full of laughter good times and Mary meant, and I felt a deep sadness in my heart and even a little bit of jealousy because I was not able to attend the event that caused them all to be together. Now I could’ve easily said you’re just sad because you couldn’t go but the reality of it looking a little deeper was that I was longing for meaningful interpersonal relationships and the lack of having them in my life was strictly my fault. I am a person who is notorious for not following up on phone calls of friends who are reaching out to me and family members as well. Now had I just looked at what seems to be the obvious reason for being sad for not being there I could have been stuck on that treadmill of self-denial. When we are looking at ourselves from an honest and blunt perspective it can be comfortable, but it is necessary if you are truly going to change your level of security in your own decisions and your level of self-esteem around others.

That’s just one example of how you can go about finding out who you are deeply and more intimately. Introspection is a great thing because it allows you the brutality of dissecting who you are and the beauty of being able to put yourself back together with love and gentleness for yourself without the fear of criticism and judgment from others because you’re the one doing all the work.

I want to remember that when you’re in the process of this self-destruction / reassembling process to be kind to yourself never get stuck in the phase of destruction and then camp out there. You have to be true to yourself but you also have to be loving to yourself remember this is a process where we trying to gain self-confidence and were trying to come to the realization of something that was already there and that is your true self-worth which is priceless and such a precious piece of the puzzle of the human construct on this planet. Each individual offers a beautiful piece to the puzzle that creates a richer more vibrant fabric of life.