More Than Anxiety

Living life with anxiety and panic.

More Than Anxiety

Why me? Is a question I ask all the time, why am I not like everyone else ?  My first panic attack  happened at the age of seventeen, I thought that evening I was going to die, you see that is my fear Death' 

How unfortunate for me that my fear is death, as it is inevitable, but why does the fear of death hold me back from life.

I have avoided life and living it to the fullest, as my panic and anxiety have taken control over me, I have allowed my thoughts of weakness and inadequacy, guide my life.

I am a deep thinker, and an exceptionally sensitive personal,  when I speak to others and give loving advice I cannot control the tears falling from my eyes, when others hurt I hurt, I've spent many years helping and loving others being there as much as is possible, giving so much of me, I've never asked for anything in return, my dad's words ringing in my ears" you have made your bed lie on it"  

When your in the throws of panic and the debilitating symptoms ensue, shaking, tremors, racing heart, breathlessness, weakness, pins and needles, feeling of impending doom, in that moment you feel like your going to die, you want to ask for help, scream out and ask someone make this stop, give me the cure, 

I have read up on panic and apparently your thoughts cause these symptoms, but what was I thinking when these symptoms engulfed me I try to go back what we're you thinking of ? Nothing !! these symptoms appear out of the blue anywhere, anytime any how, 

No matter where I am or what I am doing something will trigger an attack, maybe a place a road a memory and boom here we go again.

So how can I help myself, I have a motto i live by pinched from a book I've read by Susan jeffers "feel the fear and do it anyway "  I have it as a tattoo at the top of my back, and this seems to be how I live my life.

I am now working on self love and turning my thoughts around, my self talk is all about building myself up giving myself the strength I need, facing any fears I may have, feeling the symptoms but talking myself down, I am, I can, I will, are how I start conversations in my head, I follow inspiring people, I treat people with kindness and love and understanding and I do the same for myself, I am exceptionally grateful for my life and the wonderful people I have in it,  and even though panic and anxiety still try to break Me I am fighting back each and everyday, I am a champion and I will keep fighting to the end.