Searching For Forgiveness

When I had created a family feud out of the thoughts in my own mind, I eventually went in search of forgiveness.

Searching For Forgiveness

My whole life as been spent around family, I come from a large family three older brothers and one younger sister, my eldest brother is five years my senior, he was my hero a happy go lucky cheeky handsome male, I adored and looked up to him.

My brother could do no wrong in my eyes.

 throughout many years, I helped him, when his marriage broke down, he came to live with me he was the male figure in my daughters life's and they began looking up to him as I did, we spent so many years in each others life's, he gave me away when I got married I had him up on a pedestal always.

But three years ago I fell out with him it was such a silly petty thing.

But what ensued after shocked me to my core, my brother turned his back on me, he wouldn't speak to me I have never been emerged in so much pain before, this one person who I thought would be loyal and be there for me always, wasn't in my life anymore it became such a dark time, I asked him to forgive me I told him I was sorry many times but to no avail.

The damage was done and I couldn't see a way out of my misery, I went online looking for a psychic to tell me they could foresee a reconciliation and that we would be friends again.

I looked online for other feuding families to see if any had been reconciled I was desperately searching for help how could I get myself out of this situation  please somebody tell me it would be alright.

Days and nights I spent in turmoil replaying things over and over in my mind I couldn't rest, I couldn't sleep I was so deeply saddened by what was happening, until one day I turned my thoughts around I realised I had been searching for forgiveness from the wrong person I perceived myself to be the victim, when in actual fact I was the one keeping my pain alive, I had been thinking thoughts that were not reality, I had to go inside myself for the answers, I made peace with my thoughts I set myself free I  stopped blaming others for how I was interpreting the situation, I did work on myself.

I conversed with my brother and told him the reasons why I reacted the way I had, that my thoughts were not the reality and that in fact I was truly sorry, this couldn't take away what had been said and done and needless to say our relationship isn't as it was, but from this I have grown as a person I don't need to put anyone above myself I love me enough that if others decide they don't it will not matter, being a loving, non judgemental person who steers away from hate and conflict is the person I will put up on a pedestal and that person is me.