Descending the Mountain of Garbage to Reunite With True Self
For many years I built a mountain of "garbage" out of unhealthy thinking and living. Then, I decided to climb down the mountain I had created and reunite with the self that I had abandoned.
Today is Sunday, which is a day that is partially comprised of getting matters in order for the upcoming week. One of the Sunday chores is to put the trash out by the curb. We have two bins that are collected, one for garbage and one for recycling. The waste service I use provides a separate bin for each in hopes that we will not mix the recyclables (items that can be re-used for the good) with the garbage (items that are of no further use). I have been thinking a lot lately about the amount of “garbage” that I used to bring into my life which consequently led to a large amount of “garbage” emanating from me. I did not only bring in a lot of “garbage” into my life, but I recycled this “garbage”. Essentially, I continually ingested items that could not be re-used for the good and were of no further use for my true self. Through time I built a mountain of “garbage” and I stood at the top. I was so far from the ground (my essence, true self) that I swayed atop this mountain of self doubt and fear.
As children, we all receive messages and how we interpret them is vital to our development and choices we make moving forward. The messages I received in my early years led me to believe that I was inadequate and different. These feelings continued into my teenage years where the internal voices became louder and louder. To drown out the loud voices, a steady concoction of dark, aggressive music and alcohol seemed to be the elixir I was looking for. Once the floodgates were opened, I continued to allow more and more “garbage” to come into my life.
Alcohol became the gateway to other mind altering substances that I used to escape reality and add more layers to my ever growing mountain. Other “garbage” that I allowed into my life included cigarettes, poor diet, heavy doses of television and toxic people. I filled my life with so much “garbage” that negativity and self destruction became the norm. I was truly living the “garbage in, garbage out” paradigm. All the negative input created an output of negativity speech and energy. I created a space of depression and despair that I nestIed into. I sought out people that were stuck on this road to nowhere with me. I wanted to blend in and chose to surround myself with others who I knew would not challenge me or make me better. In a nutshell, I was sacrificing and sabotaging my own true self. I was blind to this pattern and way of thinking and living for a very long time.
One day in early 2012, a switch flipped inside of me. I was physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted from building this mountain. The “garbage” that I was ingesting, quit working for me. I knew that I had to start the journey back down the mountain to get grounded in my true self--the self that I had abandoned over two decades ago. While I knew I had to do it, I was scared to death. I didn’t know how to get off this mountain…it was all I knew.
On February 5, I made my first step down the mountain by choosing to live a life of sobriety. In the past four years, I have consistently worked step by step to introduce positivity into my life. I have changed my diet drastically. I no longer drink soda. I try to avoid processed foods at all costs. I do not eat fast food. I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. I eat mostly organic. In doing so, I have lost 30 pounds. I have also introduced a daily practice of meditation into my life. Every morning, I start my day with quiet time to connect myself to spirit. This allows me to begin each day in a state of peace. I have found that by starting my day slow and peaceful has allowed me to slow down my thoughts throughout the day. This allows me to make more calculated decisions. I predominantly use essential oils as another choice of support for health and wellness. Recently, I have drastically limited the amount of television I watch. I went two straight weeks with no television last month. I mostly listen to positive podcasts and other forms of media on my commutes to and from work. Consequently, the circle of people I surround myself with has drastically shrunk.
Today, life is so much more fulfilling and quite honestly, easier. While, I am far from perfect, I am bettering myself each and every day. I strive for progress each and every day. My experience is that living a life full of “garbage” is so much more taxing than a life where I am striving for positivity and inner peace. As far as I know, we are only granted one journey on this Earth. I have decided that living my former way is a colossal waste of time. I have chosen to take on a life of selfishness. By that I mean that I am making decisions that are beneficial for my personal well being. The only person I have control over is myself. In order for me to be a better person to those around me, I have to start within. I am choosing not to recycle my “garbage” any longer. If I do bring “garbage” in, I work to notice it and throw it out for good. I am making the decision to turn this “garbage” over to the “landfill” of negative energy. My life is too valuable to hold onto and re-use the patterns that do not serve me and my fellow man in a positive way. Love and Light!